Bitter Atonement
by NIchiki
Summary: The wound had been inflicted. Pain was all she knew, all she felt. There was no going back. (My first attempt at an angst story Rated M for later scenes) On Hold
1. Crumbling Facade

Bitter Atonement

Disclaimer: Nothing of Naruto belongs to me, except this storyline.

AN:Thought I would try something a little more angsty this time around and this story is close to my heart so I will try to do it justice.

'Thoughts'

"Speech"

* * *

Chapter 1

Crumbling Facade

* * *

At first glance it wasn't much to look at. It was rundown, slightly tilted, and had more than its fair share of missing roof tiles. Not to mention the various broken window panes decorating the outside. But to those who were regulars, nothing could have looked better. The Crooked Kunai wasn't a glamorous pub in the least, boasting of cheap bottom shelf whiskey and sake that guaranteed to give you hair on your chest. The overall appeal of it was more like a worn out shoe. Not eye-catching at all, but too comfortable to throw out either. More importantly it was familiar, and for the Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf Village, a safe haven to escape the more dreary side of their jobs. Some came to catch up with their friends, but most came to forget, if only for a short while.

Smoke curled through the semi darkness of the small pub, dancing in and out of the dim lights like willow the wisps enticing the people around the room. The place was packed as usual, not an empty seat or glass in the house. In one corner parked directly in the shadows sat two regulars. They were no strangers to the darkness, in fact they welcomed it and basked in its coldness and anonymity. One leaned back in his chair watching the other patrons, a dark bandanna pulled back his brown hair, beer in one hand as he idly flicked a senbon between his teeth. While the other leaned more into the shadows, a prominent slouch in his lanky frame, one dark grey eye glued to the pages of the book in his hands and an untouched beer in front of him. The two always came here before and after a mission to celebrate living another day, celebrate being a strong word. More like silently tipping a glass to the Kamis for seeing another sunrise.

Like usual, Genma did most of the talking, well, more like narrating things around them and the other preferred the silence and the alcohol. One with his head buried in his book and the other talking casually, bringing up past missions and things going on in the village. Mostly gossip and the women he spots around the room. Kakashi listens with a half an ear, managing to tune him out when he starts to get too irritating. The low hum of idle conversation buzzed around wrapping around him like a comforting cocoon, drawing him into the deep recesses of his mind. The pages in front of him blurred, the alcohol adding to the dulling effect successfully isolating himself within.

The shadows of his past called out to him as missions of long ago ran through his mind leading to the many losses riding on its coat tails. The swirling smoke around them coalescing into shapes, drawing his eyes from the pages in front of him. Familiar faces materialize in front of him adding to the unbearable heaviness to his stiff shoulders, and he could tell it was going to be another long night. Why did this happen every time his mind wasn't occupied? Why did these spectral visitors haunt him to no end? Could he never get any sort of peace? Which begged the question… did he even deserve any sort of peace? He heaved out a deep sigh successfully blowing the apparitions out of existence and downed his forgotten beer. It was clear more poison was needed to distract himself. His eye darted to a clock on the far side of the bar and contemplated how hard it would be to extract himself from his orally fixated friend. Genma had the ability to manipulate the conversations around him and before you knew it you would be spilling your darkest secrets and buying him a round. Fortunately Kakashi was no pushover and he knew how to steer the conversation his way and he was a master at slipping out of tight spots. Plus, the more inebriated Genma was the more his attention would be focused on the more appealing visions around him, mainly of the female version.

Distant echoes interrupted his inner musings and he knew where they hailed from. He hadn't made his daily journey to the cenotaph and the yearning to run his fingers along the names etched in stone gripped his heart, it was time to leave.

He snapped back to reality as Genma's words registered in his brain.

"Oi Kakashi, ain't that one of your students over there?" Genma asked, pointing in the general direction of the bar with his beer bottle.

"Former student," Kakashi responded automatically. All three of his former students were grown by now. Well, to be fairly honest, one had run away early on to wreak vengeance on his older brother, so he couldn't say much for him. Another went off traveling with one of the legendary Sannin, his legendary power only barely being overshadowed by his equally legendary perverseness. And Naruto never really showed any kind of maturity, so him growing up was questionable at best. No, the only one he could with any certainty say was truly mature was the one that was overlooked, mainly by him, and he cringed at the thought.

While he had focused on the two that had seemed to have the most potential he had completely passed over the pink haired kunoichi, never truly seeing what laid underneath, completely disregarding his very own principle for living. But even as he abandoned her, just like the one that had become a rogue ninja, she had managed to pick herself back up again, dusting herself off and even found a better teacher than himself. The Legendary Sannin Tsunade, or the Slug Queen as some would call her. Her medical skills far surpassed any villages, and her strength exceeded that of 100 men. Yes, Sakura had done right asking for Tsunade's help. Under her tutelage she had grown, blossomed if you will, like the very flower she was named for. Into a strong, capable, determined kunoichi. One that could break a mountain around you and put you back together with those very same hands. One that the Village Hidden in the Leaves considered its blossom, for she was loved by the majority of the populace for her skills and compassion.

Kakashi had many regrets in his life and overlooking her potential would always haunt him in the back of his mind, and yet he also saw it as a necessity. If he hadn't only focused on Naruto and Sasuke, then Sakura wouldn't have had the courage to look for a more skilled teacher than himself and she wouldn't be the most skilled medical ninja in the Hidden Leaf to date. She was even rumored to have surpassed her Shishou, and that right there said just how much Sakura was dedicated to her work and her village.

Looking up from his book, his eye darted in the direction Gemna indicated and fell upon a small hunched over figure, looking for all the world like they wished everything around them would disappear. He knew that look well and was plagued by that feeling for most of his life. A dark cloud seemed to hang over the usually amicable young woman and the heaviness around her shoulders indicated an immense feeling of self loathing. His brow furrowed, suddenly feeling a strong sense of foreboding and restlessness. Something was majorly wrong with this picture, but he couldn't seem to put his finger on it as it seemed to dodge his attempt to pin the feeling down.

"Well? Aren't you going to go over there and see what's wrong?" Genma inquired, raising a brow at the Copy Ninja.

"What makes you think anything's wrong?" Kakashi murmured back, his attention going back to his book wanting to be anywhere but there. Oh, he knew something was wrong alright, but he had no intention of forcing anything of an irate young woman. Sakura had a volatile temper when pushed and he had no desire to visit the emergency ward tonight. Besides, he wasn't exactly known for his social demeanor in any respect. It was pretty much non-existent and he accepted that fact and embraced it. Kakashi wasn't a busybody like Genma and he preferred to be left alone, and expected the same treatment back. Unfortunately, when Genma got his teeth into something he had the tenacity of a junkyard dog, he just wouldn't let it go.

"Tch, don't even try to fool me, I know you too damn well for that." Genma snorted disdainfully taking a swig of his beer before leveling a glare at his companion across from him, currently doing his damnedest to crawl back into his shell.

"It's obvious somethings wrong, cause whenever we see her she's always lively with a smile plastered on her face. Not to mention she usually has that blond bombshell with her. You know the one with the big headli..."

Kakashi cleared his throat loudly cutting off that train of thought immediately, his eye flicking to the pink haired woman seemingly entranced with the drink in front of her. If she wasn't in a good mood, Genma didn't need to add insult to injury by saying such things about Sakura's best friend. Genma rolled his eyes at his friends antics.

"Oh like you never noticed. Anyways, that's not the point," and as if to emphasize his words he pointed his beer bottle at the lazy Jounin across from him.

"The point is, it's your duty to go over there and see whats up with her."

"Actually, Genma, no it's not. She hasn't been my student for years and I am not her Sensei anymore and I doubt she'd want me butting into her personal business. Besides, I really don't want to chance a close encounter with her fists. Especially if she's half in the bag already. But, if you feel so inclined as to put your life in jeopardy, then by all means go for it. Just don't come crying to me when she puts you through the wall." Kakashi remarked flippantly, turning a page in his book.

Genma grunted, clearly annoyed at his friends obtuseness. He knew Kakashi was socially stunted and sometimes he needed a proverbial kick in the ass to get the point across to the man. But the act of prodding him to do the right thing was like doing a marathon training session with Gai and Lee. You might come out of it stronger, or you might just be driven into a rubber room. It was always fifty-fifty with him. Just another danger in the average life of a Shinobi. Opening his mouth to argue yet again, he stopped, seeing movement at the bar. A young dark-haired man sat down next to Sakura, leaning into her slightly, talking in low tones.

"Either way it seems she's got someone to confide in so I'm not needed after all." The Copy Ninja remarked, pushing himself to his feet and proceeding out of the bar intent on getting to bed after paying his respects, he had a mission in the morning. Waving a hand in farewell, he strolled out into the night, a squawk of outrage following him.

"Oi! You forgot to pay your damn tab you bastard!"

Sakura's POV

Sakura shuffled into the bar quietly, picking out a stool and plopping onto it ordering a strong vodka tonic. Slouching down she hoped no one noticed her tonight, especially a loud mouthed blonde named Ino. But seeing as how most of the older generation of Shinobi frequented this bar, she knew it was a long shot to run into her here. Ino preferred the flashy night clubs complete with dance floors and an overabundance of slightly sloshed Chunins and Jounins to pick from of the younger generation. So, Sakura was sure she was safe, from her at least. She really didn't want to dodge any questions nor any accusations that she had deliberately come out without her wing-woman as she was called. She ruffled her bubble gum colored hair and yawned, her long shift at the hospital finally catching up to her. The bartender passed the drink to her and she threw it back in one gulp, the burning sliding down her throat making her cough slightly, ordering another. She could feel the familiar warmness flooding into the pit of her stomach, the warm fuzziness clouding her normally sharp senses, her tongue getting thick in her mouth, vision swimming as objects seem to move around her. Throwing back the next drink she ordered another, the bartender chastising her, telling her to go easy on the booze.

Looking up from the empty glass she directed her gaze to the man in front of her. His breath seemed to be stolen from his lungs as empty emerald eyes met his own. Making him feel like he was falling into a black hole, he knew that look. It was a normal occurrence in his profession of slinging drinks and being an impromptu therapist. That was the look of someone teetering on the edge of oblivion, the look of someone not giving a damn. He sighed deeply, saying the drink would be right up and walked away to mix another for the poor soul currently on a mission to forget life even existed.

Satisfied, Sakura bent over the bar, her head resting in the palm of her hand, willing the world surrounding her to fade away to nothingness. Idly she picked at the blood still under her nails from the multiple surgeries during her shift. The flakes crumbled away, drifting to the smooth wood surface of the bar drawing her attention. She could feel it coming, it always did when she had nothing occupying her brain and she braced for it, but knew that it was unavoidable. It was like a freight train on slick rails and like clockwork it always came and bowled her over. Sakura couldn't stand the idleness, the stillness, because she knew what would follow and she dreaded it every time.

Alone, that's how she felt, so utterly alone even with all these people around her, adrift in a sea with no hope of rescue. Though, to be honest, she didn't want rescue, she just wanted everyone and everything to go away. She didn't need anyone nor did she want anyone. Sakura liked her solitude, it was simpler this way. No one to get in the way, no one to push their arbitrarily fake optimism in her face. She was fine keeping to herself as long as everyone else did the same. Everyday it was getting harder and harder to keep up the fake exterior, the smile she forced on her face to show the world that she was okay, that everything was fine. Her mask was slipping and the bitterness was cracking through the façade, threatening to expose the grotesque wound festering under the surface. She could feel her soul splitting asunder under the constant pain and pressure to even function normally.

What was even considered normal anymore? Was it normal to want to drown yourself in your work for fear of reality taking over and paralyzing you? Is it normal to want to scream until your throat was hoarse and bloody and burst into uncontrollable tears the moment you're alone at home?

This wound had festered a long time and over the years she had gotten quite good at masking it, but lately the illusion was crumbling and she feared that one day she would just collapse from the strain. She didn't know how much longer she could keep all this bottled up inside before someone did something or said something to set her off, then there would be no going back. But she was nothing if not determined and stubborn to a fault. Sakura would latch onto the last shreds of her dignity and push everything else away. She would not give up and break down. She couldn't afford to. Too many people counted on her to let them down, so she would endure… somehow.

Sakura snapped out of her inner musings by someone sliding onto the stool beside her. She swung her gaze to the right intent on telling him to get lost, as she felt him lean into her, but stopped when familiar dark chocolate eyes locked on hers.

"Shikamaru, what are you doing here? Isn't it Team Ten's night for dinner?" Sakura remarked sighing, her tiredness leaking through as her voice cracked a bit. 'Kami, I so don't need this shit right now. The hell is he doing here anyway?'

"Hmm, let's just say I deemed the evening too troublesome to withstand and took my leave."

Sakura was distracted by her next drink being placed in front of her and she picked it up taking a healthy swallow of it, keeping watch on the Jounin next to her.

"So what are you doing in here alone, shooting back drinks like the world will be ending with the next sunrise?" He inquired, ordering a beer for himself, but keeping his attention on the kunoichi beside him.

"None of your business Shikamaru," She hissed out, glaring at him for putting his nose where it wasn't wanted.

'What does he care anyways? He always thinks everything is too troublesome to involve himself in situations, so why butt in now? Why me? Why did he have to grow a conscience tonight?' She wailed.

"You may not think it's my business Sakura, but when I see a close friend of mine self destructing before my very eyes, then I make it my business. So, we can do this a few ways. One, you can quit being such a bitch and tell me what's wrong." He continued as she glared heatedly at him.

"Two, you can deny for the rest of the night, but judging by the way you're throwing back drinks I won't have to wait long before your tongue is loosened and you'll wind up telling me anyway, making this a moot point. Or three, I can toss you over my shoulder in front of everyone, while you bitch and moan, and take you to my place where I will restrain you with my shadow jutsu until you tell me from sheer boredom. Your choice." He finished, his normally half hooded eyes narrowed in contemplation, watching her every move, making sure she wouldn't get away from him. Though if she did, it wouldn't be hard to find her, he knew her so well. Better than she knew anyway.

Sakura sat there for a moment in contemplation, her eyes never leaving the nosy shinobi next to her, as she traced a finger along the rim of her glass. There was a fourth option he neglected to mention, but knowing him he most likely didn't say it so as to not give her more ideas. She could use her deadly strength to put an end to this conversation really quick and go back to wallowing in her misery. The bar would just have one more hole and one less patron, though she snorted, from the sorry state the bar was in it might be an improvement. Narrowing her eyes on the lazy Jounin she weighed the pros and cons, thinking he most likely had done the same and was trying to be civil with her instead of a brash moron most men were known to be in these situations.

Sighing, she pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a large migraine coming on. He was most likely planning ten moves ahead of her like the brilliant strategist he was, so she figured giving in wouldn't be too bad. She just wouldn't tell him everything.

'Damn him and his overly large brain,' She cursed mentally. Sighing deeply she ran a hand through her tangled pink tresses.

"Fine I'll talk to you, you stubborn ass, but not here. " She replied looking around.

"Lets go to your place then." Shikamaru insisted pushing to his feet as he slapped a few bills to cover the tab and placed his hand under her arm helping her as she stood unsteadily. "Looks like I'm gonna have to get some food into you to soak up some of that booze or you're going to have one hell of a hangover." He said chuckling, placing an arm around her, tucking her into his side and helping her out the door. "Wouldn't help anyway," She muttered, her face buried in his flak jacket. "Nothing helps, not anymore."

* * *

AN: Since this is my first multi-chapter story and my first fore into angst I will be starting this story out slow and work my way a bit deeper.

(¯`¥´¯`·.¸.:¨NIchiki ¨:.¸.·´¯`¥´¯)


	2. Familiar Settings

Chapter 2

Familiar Settings

* * *

6 months later

Kakashi pushed himself to run faster along the tree tops, he needed to get home to the Hidden Leaf. No, scratch that, he HAD to get home and unwind before he lost what was left of his sanity. Six months on a mission normally wouldn't do this to him, but this particular one had tried his patience to the extreme, and it wasn't like he had much left to go around anymore.

He scoffed, 'Mission, yeah right, more like a babysitting gig. A chunin, hell, even a genin could've done it no sweat and yet the Hokage, in her infinite wisdom, decided it was perfect for me. I have a feeling this is payback for all the times I've been late to her summons.' He missed his village, his own bed and more importantly the rest of his Icha Icha collection. Only having one to go over and over for six goddamned months, will crack anyone's sanity. He even missed Gai and his ridiculous challenges and that's saying just how boring the mission really was.

* * *

When he'd gotten the mission scroll thrown at him, literally thrown mind you, bouncing off his head and all. The time limit had said undetermined but that hadn't concerned him too much. Most missions didn't have exact dates so that didn't faze him. What did catch his eye was the subject. A Daimyo's nephew needed a personal bodyguard for the whole time he was visiting his uncles palace. A cakewalk for an elite ninja like him and his eyebrow rose in question at the blonde sitting behind her desk as she fingered her sake cup looking contemplative.

Tsunade snorted as she thread her fingers together and rest her chin on her hands. "Yeah, I know Kakashi, this is one you could do in your sleep and normally I'd agree with you. However, there has been a lot of talk about civil unrest in that region and kidnappings are happening more frequently. The targets being of high ranking military or royalty. Seems they will go for anyone these days, even the maids aren't exempt from being abducted and used," Her lip curled in distaste.

"Hmm, so basically I'm a glorified babysitter for this one?" He said as he rolled up the scroll and tucked into one his pockets.

"As cut and dry as this one sounds, it's really not. You need to keep a sharp eye out," Chuckling softly at her pun as he glared with his one visible eye back. Her back straightened, placing her palms down on her desk looking for all the world like a leader at that moment, all humor erased from her face. She was back to business mode.

"You need to know there have been a few threats on this youngsters head already and multiple attempts that have only been foiled through sheer dumb luck. We have no clue who or what are behind the recent kidnappings so you're going in blind. I don't need to remind you to stay sharp, senses on full alert, but make sure and be as inconspicuous as can be. We don't want to scare whoever is behind this before we find out just who they are. So utilize a henge and cover up that gray mop of hair so you don't stick out like a sore thumb."

"Its not gray it's silver," He muttered as he pouted. She glared at him silencing his protests with one look and continued.

"You're not only acting as this one's bodyguard, but it's also your job to flush out the kidnapper or kidnappers."

"Ahh, so now its revealed why I was hand picked for this one. No worries, there isn't anyone I've met that can escape my nose or the combined noses of my ninken," He boasted smugly. Tsunade bared her teeth in what looked like a very evil smile.

"Hmm, so I've noticed. Another thing, I'm not sure how long this one will take you, but since these kidnappers have eluded capture for five years now it may take you a while." Shuffling papers on her desk she waved him out. "Take care Kakashi and do try not to get yourself killed. I don't need anymore paperwork to deal with."

"I'll do my best," Saying farewell with a salute and disappearing from her office with a pop and a puff of smoke.

"Damn Shinobis," she growled as she coughed and waved the smoke out of her face. "They never know how to work a damn door."

* * *

He was brought out of his thoughts by the familiar sight of the Hidden Leaf's gate looming in the distance. Sighing in relief he dropped to the ground and proceeded along the path at a more casual pace. At least tonight he would have a hot shower and his very own bed to sleep in. Months of camping out in what had to have been the rainiest season they ever had in Fire Country had soured his liking of sleeping under the stars. For a while anyways. He always came back to the great outdoors, the smell, the feeling of wildness around him. It all spoke to his baser instincts of going back to the basics. The utter silence of the night only interrupted by crickets in his ears. Ahh, peace and serenity. Besides, he owed the ninken some time off from that last mission. Kakashi cringed as he remembered the humiliation of a certain pug whom he had spotted dressed in all pink sitting in a baby carriage, courtesy of the boy's little sister.

She had taken an instant liking to the irritable pug the moment Kakashi had summoned them to scout the area around the palace. Poor thing had been dragged from one end of the palace to the other always adorned in something frilly and really girly looking, much to the amusement of the other ninken if the snickers were anything to go by. Oh Pakkun tried to get away and being his normally grumpy self hadn't discouraged her one bit, if anything it made her more determined. She would only smile and scratch his ears when his baby bonnet would slip off his head from shaking it so hard trying to dislodge it.

Now, normally Pakkun wouldn't put up with something like that, but the girl was so darn cute and so meek and timid and it didn't help one bit that she was also mute. Her family said she was always so shy that when she perked right up at seeing the adorable puppy, (their words not his he reminded the grumpy dog) they asked if the pug could stay with her for the remainder of their stay to keep her company. Plus, it was only added security if the pug was with her since she was a constant shadow of her older brother who happened to be the target.

He chuckled to himself, knowing he owed that dog more treats and belly rubs then he could ever pay. But no matter how much the pug whined and growled at being carted around Kakashi knew better. He saw how contented the pug looked in his stroller when he thought no one was looking. And Pakkun most certainly couldn't disguise the happy snorting noises he made when the girl gave him milk to drink, the little glutton. Mentally promising a vigorous regimen of training after they rested up. Can't have them going chunky and not being able to keep up with him now can he? A feral grin spread across his face at the thought.

The mission, all in all had been bittersweet. Boring as hell most of the time, but all kidding aside in the end it was a total bust. Kakashi had no idea how the little shit managed to slip out from under more than six canine noses, including his, but he did. He was sure he'd been on the right track when his nose picked up a sweetly sour smell as the evening meal was being served. As discreetly as he could he signaled to his canines, who were stationed around the room, to move in and check out the food. But when Pakkun gave a small yip confirming what he already knew, he was already on the tail of one of the supposed servants who had just exited the room.

Not many could keep up with the Copy Ninja's speed, so when his target seemed more than capable of keeping ahead of him and almost losing him not once, but twice, it understandably took him back before pushing himself to catch up. Even when his ninken had joined the chase in order to corner him he still managed to give them the slip. Shocked and all around pissed he missed the target, Kakashi went back to the Daimyo and explained what had occurred since dinner was interrupted and then thrown away once chloroform was detected in the everyone's water. The Daimyo and the boys parents were extremely grateful he was able to catch it in time and managed to chase the would be attacker away, but he was still frustrated and offered to stay on longer. But the Daimyo wouldn't hear of it saying he deserved a break and to not worry about it, as his guards would be stepping up patrol from now on.

So, he went on his way, silently fuming to himself that he let such a small rat scurry away. His ninken had already gone back to their realm, but he knew they felt the same way and were ashamed, thinking they'd let him down somehow. But they hadn't and he told them as such. This one was just a more cunning opponent than previously thought, and he would be informing the Hokage of everything he knew and requesting to take similar missions with similar circumstances. No one had ever gotten away from the Copy Nin before and he wasn't about to let someone now. Kakashi would find him, it was just a matter of time and he was a patient man.

* * *

Passing through the gate he greeted the two guards Izumo and Kotetsu with a wave. They always seemed to be on duty, and he wondered if they ever went home, or if they even had a home for that matter. Although, with the way they always seemed to be snoozing, he doubted they had need for an actual bed since a chair did just fine or in some cases a wall. The voice of Izumo followed him, reminding him to go see the Hokage right away to check in. He didn't know why they even bothered. Everyone knew Kakashi didn't follow anyone's schedule but his own. He marched to his own drum and no one could change that.

He strolled down the main street and made a beeline for the familiar blue building he missed the entire time he was gone. Didn't matter that he was still filthy from traveling, a fine layer of dirt and grime plastered to him. He was in the mood to drown himself in booze. And it wasn't like it was a high class place anyway, being a shinobi bar. Saluting the bartender, he made his way to the familiar table in the corner, plopped down in a chair as a waitress brought him a beer. Slouching down in his chair, he popped open the bottle and brought it to his mask covered lips and took a generous swig of the bitter liquid. Didn't matter to him that he could taste the cotton from the mask, that's just how he drank in public. And it was added filtration in his mind. No one would see his face if he could help it, barring the one incident with the father and daughter from Ichiraku. He sighed in contentment, 'It's five o'clock somewhere.'

His gaze swept across the other patrons in the smoky darkness around him, most of them being shinobi who had the same idea he did. Nothing like crawling into a bottle to forget the world around them. Taking another swig he paused, the bottle resting against his lips as he spotted a familiar pink head of hair at the bar. Scrunching his face he got the strangest feeling of deja-vu, wondering where he had seen this before.

His thoughts were interrupted as a dark haired young man slid into the seat beside her, an arm going around her waist. Suddenly it struck him, about a six months ago he'd seen this very same scene before leaving for his mission. His eye narrowed on the young man as he recognized that pineapple hairstyle and lazy attitude. Though right now the laziness was conspicuously absent, instead replaced by a shrewd glint in his dark chocolate and oddly warm eyes.

It didn't escape his notice how the strategist was acting towards the pinkette, his normally aloof attitude more warm and caring. He didn't know why but the way Shikamaru was acting put him on edge and irritated him. He paused and wondered why on earth he should care if the brilliant young man was showing his ex-student some affection. To be honest, he thought the shadow user and the buxom blond had a thing, but judging by this it must not be true. Although, a lot could change in six months, and he wondered just how much he had missed.

Kakashi brought out a worn copy of Icha Icha and concentrated on the pages, determined to block out the little voice in his head that was urging him to investigate. It was none of his business what Sakura did in her free time, or who she spent it with. His fingers clenched around the bottle in his hand as he tried desperately to mind his own business and squinted harder at the words on the pages. Only to be brought out of his daze as the crackling of glass stopped him cold, his eye snapped to the spider webbed cracks littering the bottle in his hand. He uncurled his fingers from around the bottle and grasped onto the edge of the table as he went back to his book.

Stubbornly, he tried to keep his attention glued to his book, but everything that seemed to move in that direction drew his gaze back to the pair. Being an Elite Jounin, Kakashi knew how to read body language and he was exceptional at it. So it surprised him when instead of Sakura reciprocating the affection, or possibly punching him through the wall; secretly he wished for the latter. She seemed to not really care, instead she was almost oblivious to the attention, which wasn't like her at all. Puzzled, the Copy Ninja continued to study the two and noticed how Shikamaru seemed to dote on the young woman.

It must have been at least 15 minutes before the shadow user stood, paid the tab and helped Sakura to her feet. Kakashi watched as he looped her arm around his waist and put his arm around her back, grasping her shoulder as he held her against him. They made their way out of the bar, Sakura's head against his side as they walked slowly so she wouldn't trip.

Decision made, he slapped a few bills on the table and made his way out of the bar behind them, determined to get to the bottom of this. He honestly had no idea why it bothered him so much, but right now his logical side had been bound and gagged by his curiosity. Deciding stealth was necessary, he masked his chakra and leaped to the rooftops, shadowing them as they ambled down the street. This was just one more puzzle his mind couldn't wrap around and he was determined to solve it one way or the other.

* * *

AN: I just couldn't resist putting Pakkun into babydoll clothes. His grumpy little mug all decked out in frilly pink, too cute to pass up.

(¯`¥´¯`·.¸.:¨NIchiki ¨:.¸.·´¯`¥´¯)


	3. Lending Strength

AN: I thought I'd put up a note in order to explain a few things that's happening in the story so far because someone mentioned that the situation seemed rushed.

I'm not going to go into really deep detail because I was going to lead up to the changes in his personality as the story went on. Basically another side affect of being away from home is that things change, people change. It happens all the time. So what doesn't bother someone once could definitely bother someone further down the road and add to the fact that now that Kakashi has had time to think (that's all I am going to reveal about that) that his curiosity has had time to be perked. I personally know that when I am curious about something and have had a long time to go over many possibilities without an answer, it tends to drive me nuts until I GET an answer. So to me, Kakashi is mainly curious as to what is happening and also perhaps feeling a bit protective, although he is wondering why at this point as well.

And while I realize that it may seem like he did a complete 180 and it seems abrupt, that's not what I am trying to portray at all. He is just starting to explore what it is he is feeling and nothing major is going to happen anytime soon. Right now he doesn't quite know what to think or feel at this point.

As for the feeling threatened by Shikamaru, to me that would be normal. I mean if you were just starting to feel at least a small amount of protectiveness towards someone who is clearly going through something bad, and didn't know what was going on, wouldn't you be a bit suspicious too? No matter who it is.

And as for Shikamaru acting OOC? Well I had to make him a bit more caring in order to fit into the role I put him in. So yeah, right now hes being an overly caring older brother atm, hes not coming onto her at all. I mean what kind of person does that to a person whose going through something? Not someone very nice that's who.

However, I do realize not everyone thinks the way I do, so I know I wont please everyone with my explanations, but there's really nothing I can do about that. I am putting characters into a storyline I made up and sort of twisting them to my specifications, so at times they will act a bit OOC, but I will try to have it make sense further on down the road at some point.

So please remember nobody is perfect, and I'm certainly not.

And no one is required to read anything I publish, but if something doesn't make sense please log in and comment so I can try to explain a few things.

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Chapter 3

Lending Strength

* * *

Every step she took felt like agony, her head swimming in a foggy haze as she clung to the angel walking beside her. That's what Shikamaru was, her lifeline, her reason for hanging onto the so called life she led now. He was like a pillar of light in the inky darkness surrounding her which, to be honest, was rather amusing as he specialized in Shadow Jutsu. She didn't know what she would have done without his presence these last six months. Sakura buried her nose in his shirt and took a deep breath, his familiar scent of sandalwood with just a hint of mint flowed over her senses. She could feel her muscles relaxing, the tension that usually ran rampant being replaced with a calming, soothing sensation. She felt his arm tighten around her as he pulled her closer, knowing she did that to draw comfort from him. He wasn't one of the most brilliant strategists in Konoha for no reason.

As they came up to her apartment building they slowly climbed the stairs, his grip tightened again when he suddenly stopped and turned her towards him. She knew what was coming, so she just stood there and let him move her like a rag doll. Sakura huffed out a breath of frustration at being man handled as he lifted her into his arms, a hand beneath her knees, the other holding onto her back. The first time he'd pulled this on her, he argued that it made more sense and was far more safe then trying to climb the stairs herself. And after she had tried several times and almost had her face kiss the pavement, she'd finally given in. Albeit reluctantly, and she made sure both he and anyone else in the vicinity knew of her displeasure quite loudly. It would be faster his way anyway and not to mention, less painful. She'd just buried her face in his chest and tried to ignore the soft chuckles from her elderly neighbor lady who had been taking her garbage out. It would have been fine if no one had seen it, but luck it seemed wasn't with her that night. Sakura knew damn well, he could've avoided the commotion too easily but knowing his lazy attitude, deemed it too 'troublesome'. She felt as he adjusted his grip and opened her eyes seeing her front door as he used his shadow jutsu to rummage through her hip pouch for her key. Sighing, she settled into his embrace, content for the moment that she didn't have to move. She knew better than to try and help anyways, he always argued with her and insisted on doing everything, which irked her at first.

Sakura had always preferred to be independent, only relying on herself, so to suddenly have everything done for her was disconcerting. Not to mention embarrassing. And nothing seemed to dissuade him either, not tantrums, threats of bodily harm or even crying moved him.

'And people call me stubborn. I've got nothing on Shika.' She mused, focusing her emerald eyes on his face. Being this close to him didn't bother her anymore, after all they had gotten a lot closer and had even slept in the same bed. Well, more like she'd passed out as soon as she hit the mattress and he stayed to make sure she would be alright.

Her mind conjured the first night he brought her home from the bar blind drunk. It had been awkward at first, not knowing how she was going to tell him anything without really telling him everything. But she knew he wouldn't just let this go. So as he laid her gently on her bed and sat down on the edge looking at her expectantly, she swallowed her pride and began.

"Are you sure you want to know Nara? It's not too late to back out now and go home you know."

Cocking an eyebrow, he leaned in closer. "I think we are past formalities Sakura, and if I hadn't wanted to know I would've dumped your butt on your bed and left already. Now spill woman."

Turning to her side, she faced the open window as a soft breeze wafted through, ruffling her red curtains, her eyes tracking the movements. An errant lock of hair swirled across her vision before she tucked it behind her ear.

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. "Look Sakura, I know there's something wrong, so don't deny it."

"How do you know anything's wrong?" She whispered back. "I could just be having a bad day."

He moved to her side of the bed and gave her a do-I-look-stupid-to-you expression. Sakura sighed deeply, clenching her hands in her pillow. She knew there was no way around this now, but maybe she could keep some semblance of her dignity intact.

"Okay, I will tell you, but I'm not giving you any specifics," She began, and noticed as his shoulders tensed in response.

He seemed to be analyzing her words for a moment and then nodded. "Alright Sakura, just give me the basics and I'll fill in the blanks myself."

Sakura ran a hand through her tangled locks as she shook her hair free of the messy ponytail and sat up slowly, slumping over from the effort. Keeping her eyes on the floor she swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

"You know I came from a merchant family right?" Seeing him nod out the corner of her eye she continued.

"Growing up in a civilian family was about as normal as you could get. Granted, a merchant's life isn't glamorous or exciting, but I never went without growing up. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to my parents, but I always knew I wanted something more." She paused, tilting her head back and stared at the ceiling.

"I can remember helping out at my families store as a little girl, even knowing at that age I wasn't destined for that, but for something more. One afternoon while sweeping the sidewalk out in front of the store I heard a commotion and turned to see a shinobi chasing someone through the streets. It was the most amazing thing to me, to see the agility, the speed, the precision of the ninja as he pursued the thief. I think the most amazing part was when he climbed up the side of our store only to leap off the roof and tackle the thief to the ground." She paused as she brought her legs up and rested her chin on her knees, her arms wrapping around her legs.

'Almost as if she was trying to curl in on herself for protection,' Shikamaru mused. 'But protection from what exactly?'

He watched as she took a deep breath and blew it out shakily and he knew then that this was hard for her to say. Sitting there hunched over, looking so much like the little girl from their academy days. It made his heart ache.

Even as young as he was Shikamaru was perceptive, he just masked it with his lazy attitude, preferring to observe unnoticed. So when his attention wasn't up in the clouds or napping, his gaze was upon those around him, studying them. Analyzing every move, every facial expression, noting even the smallest and obscure things most people completely disregarded and committed it all to memory. So he was familiar with her behavior and patterns and seeing her revert back to her childhood mannerisms was disconcerting, to say the least.

She'd grown since those days immensely, but every so often her timid inner little girl shone through. He remembered well the small shy girl Sakura was before Ino had taken her under her wing. It seemed every time he'd seen her she had tried her hardest to fade into the background thanks to the teasing she got from her large forehead.

But he never thought anything was wrong with her forehead, in fact he always thought she was rather pretty with her cotton candy colored hair and those deep emerald eyes. Her features and coloring were rather unique and almost exotic even, a breath of fresh air amidst all the normal people around her. Even as insecure as she was then, it still took him aback when she directed those intense eyes on him. It was almost like she could see into his very soul and he continually found himself getting lost in their depths. He tilted his head and studied her more before raising a hand and brushing a strand of hair from her face, drawing her attention back to him. His eyes widened as he saw the tears welling up in her eyes, threatening to fall. Shikamaru smoothed a hand down her shoulder and clasped one of her hands in both of his.

"Come on Sakura, we've known each other for a long time, so you can trust me with anything." He sat there patiently as her gaze went from their hands back up to his face, a silent single tear trailed down her cheek. Bringing up one of his hands, he brushed the tear aside tenderly with his thumb, meeting her questioning emerald eyes unflinchingly.

"Let me be there for you, please?" He knew she had questions of her own concerning him and the reasons behind his actions, but now wasn't the time for that. This was her time and he was determined to help her no matter what it took. There would be enough time later to answer her questions.

"Shika...," She croaked hesitantly, throwing herself into his arms, her body shook with the earth shattering sobs that bubbled from her throat. As he clutched her to his body and tried to soothe her, his determination steeled. It was obvious she needed someone to confide in and he would be there for her, even if she fought him the whole way. Her pain was far more deep than he first realized, and he knew then that this was something he would be in for the long haul.

(¯`¥´¯`·.¸.:¨NIchiki ¨:.¸.·´¯`¥´¯)


	4. In Pursuit of Answers

Chapter 4

In Pursuit of Answers

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Distant stars winked down amidst the pitch black sky only to be overshadowed by the full moon illuminating the denizens of the night. It was the time of night where people were already safely tucked away in their beds, their minds adrift in the endless fantasies of dreams. The only movement coming from the nocturnal fauna darting to and fro in search of prey and perhaps adventure. But one such being wasn't concerned with the creatures around him, his approach silent and swift as he leapt from one perch to the next. His sharp two toned eyes zeroed in on a certain prey, one that was much more captivating and intriguing than the creatures of the night. A walking puzzle that he was determined to figure out at all costs, because this puzzle eluded even his genius mind, and that irked him to no end. He was always curious to a fault and to have such a mystery stare him right in the face and not know the answer, drove him insane. Something was off, way off and his world felt unbalanced. He was driven to fix what was wrong, even if he was still in the dark as to what exactly was going on. A compulsion, an obsession pushing, pressing hard against his psyche.

He knew he was acting way out of character, hell even his ninken seemed to notice and had said as much. During that boring as hell mission he'd had a lot of time to think...A LOT. And instead of delving deep within his own problems he'd decided to focus on someone elses, for the time being. At first, it was just out of boredom that he'd even thought about such a thing in the first place. But he could also feel his curiosity poking and prodding him in the back of his mind. Her peculiar actions had sparked a certain interest all those months ago, but at the time he hadn't really thought much of it. Dismissing it as unimportant, dismissing her again and spending all that time around the little girl on his mission opened old wounds. Forced him to rethink how he was acting towards other people, especially other people who were clearly in pain.

Most of the time during surveillance around the palace Kakashi would be sticking to the shadows, book in hand, ignoring everything but what he perceived as a threat. But the little girl had disrupted that routine really quick. Usually children tended to give him a wide berth seeing as how he isn't exactly friendly looking with 85 percent of his face obscured, but that didn't seem to phase her one bit. In fact she seemed intrigued with him and his ninken and he found that no matter where he was she seemed to be right beside him. Admittedly he was annoyed at first, having a shadow while trying to work was irritating at best and he tried his damnedest to just ignore her. Even going as far and growling at her when she got too close, but nothing seemed to bother her, at least about him. She was overly shy with everyone else, especially strangers her parents had told him, but like a barnacle she seemed intent to latch onto his side and stayed there, much to his chagrin.

One particularly hot day, when his grouchiness was at an all time high, with his inability to find the kidnapper and not really having much privacy to begin with, he had snapped at her, but he didn't get the reaction he expected. Instead she just smiled at him and clutched Pakkun to her chest as if nothing he said phased her one bit. Kakashi had stood there studying her, trying to work out her behavior and why she seemed so damned attached to him when he did nothing but push her away. She was a little enigma that confused him to no ends. As he was about to chalk it up to bizarre behavior small whimpering drew his attention back to the little one. He glanced behind him seeing her attached to his leg and effectively using him as a shield and as her whimpering increased he finally noted another male, most likely another relative of the Daimyo, in close proximity. The man's attention was focused solely upon a female servant, which begged the question, why was she scared when the man wasn't even looking at her?

His brow scrunched as his brain tried to work through this latest puzzle. He pondered the differences between himself and the man. Kakashi was a no nonsense sort of man, he was straightforward, honest, told it like it was and he could see the glaring opposites as he compared them. He scrutinized the man's actions, which practically screamed scum-ball, womanizer, liar and worst of all, deceiver. The woman he currently was trying to pursue seemed to want nothing to do with him, but being a servant she couldn't very well just tell him off and run the other way. And he could tell from her body language that this wasn't the first time he'd approached her this way or probably many others for that matter, and it brought up a wave of disgust within him. It was clear to him this man used his position to take advantage of people like her, but the fact remained, why was the little girl so distressed? Kakashi knew what the man was, but the child shouldn't have had any idea as to what was going on.

Not for the first time he had to reevaluate his thinking, yet again as he felt her small form trembling against him. Pakkun growled beside him, his protective instincts clamored to neutralize this threat to the small one since she was clinging to Kakashi in terror, but he would wait until he got the go ahead first. But as he saw the man put his hands on the woman, who seemed to recoil in disgust, an earlier conversation flashed through his mind.

It was late evening as the family was settling down for the night with the boy and his sister playing quietly in the corner of the room as the parents talked in low tones. Kakashi had been slouching against the wall, deeming nothing threatening at the moment and focused on his thoughts as to who was behind the kidnappings. Nothing seemed to make sense. The boy was just an ordinary child, nothing noteworthy about him, save for the fact that he was a relative of the Daimyo. But surely there were others they could kidnap and get away with it, namely one of the Daimyos own sons, so why this one? His thoughts continued as a servant came into the room taking only a second to identify them and dive back into the multitude of questions. But he was once again ripped away as the small girl whimpered clinging to her brother and used him as a shield, much like she was doing with him. Her parents had stopped and the father immediately shooed the servant out of the room as the mother pulled the little girl into her arms, cooing as she tried to soothe the poor thing. It was a good half an hour later when the girl had finally calmed down enough to fall asleep when Kakashi was approached by the parents.

"I suppose you would like to know what that was about?" The mother inquired.

At his nod she continued. "She wasn't born a mute Hatake-san." Noting as his brow seemed to climb into his hairline in surprise.

"Yes, she was born like any normal baby. Happy, carefree, always getting into mischief and her brother was right there with her." She paused to smile.

"But all of that changed on her 5th birthday. We had dozens and dozens of people in from everywhere to celebrate, and everything seemed to be going fine. That is, until the children all went off to play hide and seek, something they do every time we have family gatherings." She sighed looking tired and worn and he could see this weighed heavily upon the both of them.

"Because it was her birthday she got to pick who was it, and she picked her brother. The night went on as he managed to find just about everyone, but she was nowhere to be found. At first we thought she had just managed to find an excellent hiding spot and fell asleep, but after a couple of hours of the parents helping with the search, were were getting frantic." Her voice cracked as she recounted the events and her husband draped an arm around her for support.

"All night we searched and come dawn we feared we would never find her, but a small whimpering drew our attention to the surrounding woods and we went to investigate. There we found her, curled into a rotting tree trunk, dirty, her clothes ragged and her little body riddled with small cuts and bruises." Her eyes clouded over as tears began falling and buried her face into her husbands chest.

"We had no idea how she had gotten out of the palace walls, or for that matter why she was in such a state." Her husband continued on, pausing only to tighten his embrace on his distraught wife. "No matter how confused we were, it didn't matter as long as she was found, but it became clear something was very wrong. It didn't matter what anyone did or said, she just would not talk. Not a peep. But it quickly became apparent that something was wrong as she shied away from anyone of the male persuasion. Even going as far as to curl into a ball at the slightest look, touching would send her into hysterics and no one save her mother could seem to calm her down."

"Do you have any clue as to why?" Kakashi asked, the many pieces getting all jumbled in his brain, but something stood out glaringly obvious and he shuddered to think something like that could happen to such an innocent creature.

"She would not talk, no matter what we asked and we have sent her to the finest doctors to get their opinions on the matter." He closed his eyes and breathed deep, looking almost like the words were choking him. "The only thing they could come up with is that she had suffered something so traumatic that it literally locked her words up inside of her and she in turn withdrew into herself. The doctors could only speculate as to what that event was, but with her proclivity of being wary of men they had an idea as to what it was."

Kakashi nodded, taking in the haggard faces of the two parents in front of him, knowing that dealing with something like this couldn't be easy in the slightest.

"I think the worst part of it all, " The wife whispered out. "Is that the idea that someone in our family could do something to such an innocent little child. Someone who hadn't done any wrong, someone who didn't deserve anything so vile to happen to her." She finished vehemently, fire blazing in her eyes and he knew that when they found out just who had done it, they would pay, family or no.

"But why does she seem to like me just fine although I am a man, something she seems to fear?" Kakashi asked, very confused now.

"That's what we can't figure out as well, Hatake-san." The mother answered.

"We thought that having a man so close to the family, and especially one she doesn't know at all, would be a disaster. But as soon as she saw your summons and you, she seemed to gravitate towards you immediately. What we have figured out over the years is that she can tolerate certain men, her brother and father are ones she trusts without question, but men who are arrogant, or seem to have less than pure intentions she cannot stand to be around. Shy and gentle men she shies away from, but the ones to really look out for are the ones that draws noises from her."

"The whimpers." Kakashi stated.

"Yes. We know that you're not too fond of children Hatake-san, but we are eternally grateful that she seems to take some comfort from you and your dogs, no matter how small it is. You seem to be drawing her out of her shell more every day, and we can't express just how happy that makes us. Because you see, it shows she is healing, however slow it may be and that gives us hope for her future." Her mother finished, her eyes still shining with unshed tears.

Kakashi was brought out of the memory as the little girl keened in distress and plastered herself to him as close as she could get without crawling into into his clothes with him. Narrowing his eyes at the sorry excuse for a man in front of him, he knew he couldn't let this go. No one deserved what the little girl had gone through and he felt as a wave of anger envelope him, but stomped down on it so as to not cause the girl any more alarm.

He turned her away from the scene in front of them and spoke in low tones to Pakkun as he discreetly made a shadow clone and steered the girl away. As he walked away he could hear the echoing barks of numerous hounds and he felt himself echo his clone with an evil smirk as justice was meted out.

No one could figure out what happened that day, or just how the man had managed to hang himself by his feet from a tree. But there he was come daybreak, muttering about trees coming to life and such, but because the man was such a sleaze no one investigated too closely, thinking he'd gotten his just deserts. Coincidentally, a few servants came forward, after hearing just how off his rocker he seemed to be and told the Daimyo of the mans transgressions, earning him a long stay in the dungeon wrapped in a straight jacket, most likely to never see the light of day again. Kakashi suspected that his treatment came from strong suspicions that he had something to do with the little girl, not to mention the many allegations that seemed to spring up from many sources. So he didn't feel bad for him one bit. You reap what you sow, and he deserved everything he got and more in his opinion.

* * *

Landing on top of a particularly big apartment complex he crouched down seeing his prey entering the domicile. The red spinning pin-wheel of his Sharingan blaring into the darkness; the otherwise dark shadows being brought out into absolute clarity. The dizzying sensation of trying to take in everything in such mind blowing detail throwing him off balance for a minute. The Copy Nin took a deep breath and centered his thoughts zeroing in on the intended target of this excursion. Spotting a good sized tree on the other side of the complex he silently took a chakra filled leap and landed amidst its foliage. The only sign of his presence was the gentle swaying of the leaves on the branches around him. Making sure to crouch down to avoid detection, his gaze snapped to a series of sliding glass doors being lit up within. Slowly he pushed a stray branch out of his way and spotted the two targets.

Narrowing his eyes he saw the young man carrying the young woman through the living room and passing into another room, presumably a bedroom. His two toned gaze riveted on the pair as the young man laid the woman oh so carefully across a bed and sat down next to her form. He strained his ears to catch their conversation, but even with the sliding glass door being open and his exceptional hearing, he couldn't make anything out. They were speaking way too soft to pick anything up but whispers and soft murmurs. And though the Sharingan could read lips, they were both turned just so, making interpretation impossible. So instead he focused on their body language, each subtle movement speaking volumes. Every touch saying a thousand things in the utter stillness around him, raising even more questions he wanted answers to.

He watched as she clearly struggled with herself, trying get out the words that stuck in her throat. He felt the utter defeat in her small form as she held onto herself, almost seeming like all she wanted was to curl up into a ball. The despair coming off her in waves, reaching him even on his perch a few yards away. Such emotions, all rolled together and clogged within his throat. He closed his eyes trying to feel past the familiar pain, willing the nothingness to replace the overwhelming sensations. The uncomfortable emotions digging up memories long since buried; ones he tried so hard to forget everyday. He wasn't blind nor ignorant of the situation in front of him. Something had shaken the pinkette to such a degree that she was desperately calling out to anyone for help. Whether she meant to or not. But judging by the behavior she exhibited so far it seemed she was doing so subconsciously.

Violently, he shoved the disturbing memories assaulting his senses away; this was no time for reminiscing. Getting a tight hold on his thoughts, Kakashi opened his eyes again only to freeze and stare at the sight before him. His grip on the branch under him tightened exponentially, the strain splitting the wood, the cracking echoed in the air and made him still, wondering if they heard the noise. Somehow in the short time he'd been struggling within himself, they'd maneuvered themselves to lay down on the bed. She now had her back to the Copy Nin and Shikamaru laid on his side facing her, his hand high up on her right side. Irritation bloomed within his gut confusing him further. He knew he was most likely overreacting, but something about Sakura's behavior seemed to echo the little girl and the thought that something had happened like that to someone who was relatively close to him, sickened him. Why had he never seen a sign of it? Was he that wrapped up inside of himself not to notice? Was he that much of a selfish bastard that he disregarded everyone elses pain and only focused on his own? The only answer he could come up with was yes, and that saddened him to no end. He had inadvertently let Sakura down, again. Within his confused brain he knew he shouldn't think of Shikamaru as someone to take advantage of anyone let alone a friend, but his instincts warred with his common sense

He was just about to jump over there and possibly do something very stupid when something caught his eye stopping him short. His Sharingan zeroed in on the hand resting on her side seeing the chakra being moved there. It seemed almost like he was manipulating the chakra flow inside of her...

Something was needling his addled brain, he tried desperately to shove down the protective instinct that seemed to be newly awakened flooding through him in order to think clearly. He sifted through memories of medical knowledge, trying to put his finger on what was adamantly eluding him. He jolted suddenly, seeing the image he needed to explain what was happening before him. Somewhere, somehow Shikamaru had picked up the ability to encourage the liver to break down alcohol faster in the body. He sighed, frustrated with himself, shaking his head at his own brashness. He was only helping her out, encouraging her system to cleanse itself and get rid of the alcohol, thus ensuring no hangover the next day.

Kakashi slumped back against the trunk behind him, feeling the adrenalin easing from his tense muscles leaving behind a tiredness that only comes with age. He was getting too old for this, and he couldn't believe that he had almost busted in there half cocked, not even knowing the whole picture. That certainly would've been an awkward confrontation; one he was glad to have avoided. Though, he turned his tired gaze back to the pair on the bed, he still felt the need to dig deeper. He needed to look underneath the underneath if he was to figure this puzzle out. And make no mistake, he would figure it out. Because Sakura's well being depended on it, and he was determined not to let her down again, not if he could help it.

He was again brought out of his inner musings as Shikamaru moved silently to the sliding doors, peering out into the darkness. Kakashi's sharingan zeroed in on a flare of chakra and spotted a shadow stretching across the balcony. 'Guess I wasn't as discreet as I thought I was.' He crouched lower getting a few seals ready of his own in order to leave unseen.

* * *

AN: Hopefully I've cleared up a few questions with this chapter regarding Kakashi's behavior, but there's still things I wont reveal until much later.

(¯`¥´¯`·.¸.:¨NIchiki ¨:.¸.·´¯`¥´¯)


	5. Kage and Hana

Chapter 5

Kage and Hana

* * *

Shikamaru jolted out of a deep sleep, his shinobi senses kicking into high gear saying they weren't alone. He gripped Sakura's shirt under the hand still resting on her side and pulled her closer. Though, he noticed, she must have moved in her sleep as she was snuggled up against his body tightly with her head buried against his chest and her hand clutched into his shirt. He sighed, and propped himself up as far as he could go with her still attached to him and peered around the room. Nothing seemed out of place; at least nothing inside the apartment anyways. He then turned his gaze to the still open door across from them, the wind making the curtains flutter gently. He followed the movement of the fabric as the wind died down and the curtains once again settled against the wall.

'No, that wasn't what woke me. So then, what was?' He started to pull himself up further, determined to figure out what had disturbed him when a small whimper stops him. His gaze drifts back down to Sakura's resting face now scrunched up into a frown as she tried to get the warmth from his body back. A lopsided smile stretched across his face as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, his thumb rubbing across her cheek tenderly. Her scrunched face smoothed out and a contented sigh escaped her lips as she snuggled back into a comfortable position.

A sharp crackling split the air and echoed through the open door snapping Shikamaru from his daze, his shinobi instincts kicking in to the possibility of danger. Slowly, as to not disturb her, he pried her fingers from his shirt, eyes darting back and forth for the source of the noise. In his mind was a niggling voice saying he was being overly cautious, but right then he didn't pay it any mind. Best to err on the side of caution and have it be nothing, than to dismiss it and have it be something dangerous.

He stealthily made his way to the wall beside the sliding glass doors and peered out through the curtains ruffling in the breeze. His shadow stretched along the ground, making its way out of the open door. Even though it was a full moon tonight his shadow still had a multitude darkness to latch onto, lengthening his reach.

Since becoming a Jounin, Shikamaru hadn't needed to make the hand signs to control his Shadow jutsu any longer. His father had showed him how to control it without his hands and of course a few secrets techniques only known to the Nara family. It was necessary to keep his hands free in case of attack, and in this instance he sent a silent thanks to his father as he slid a kunai out of his thigh holster. He had no clue what had made that sound, and with the way Sakura's emotional state was right now he wasn't about to expose her to unnecessary danger.

Observant chocolate eyes scrutinized every movement, every slight flicker, every nook and cranny that held secrets from his gaze. All the while his sentient shadow crept along steadily, smoothly, not drawing attention to its movements as it inspected the surroundings. His shadow, in essence, was an extension of himself. Sort of like an arm or leg, but it sent more information than just what it felt. Whatever his shadow touched he could feel, see, smell and analyze as if it were himself out there from a distance.

All emotion wiped clear from his features and mind in an instant. Hardwired training replaced all feeling. A skilled, well oiled machine stood in his place, his mind running through various scenarios of what it could be. Shikamaru was a brilliant strategist, so thinking was his forte, but he also had the skills in order to kill if he had to. He preferred to settle things with intelligence, but he also understood that not everything could be resolved that way, so each time he went into battle, every plan had a backup plan and means of escape if necessary.

Nothing would go unnoticed by his sharp gaze and shrewd intellect. It was no wonder that he was so damn good at shogi as he was constantly thinking at least five steps ahead of everything. A thin veneer of laziness obscured the true darkness underneath and that served him well. He was fiercely protective of the ones close to him and he used everything to his advantage in order to keep them safe.

He fingered the kunai and slipped a shuriken out of one of his many pockets, hefting the weight of the weapons in his hands. The sharp points of the deadly weapons digging into his flesh, contemplating the trajectory and distance between him and potential danger. A warm wind blew into the room making the curtains sway revealing more of the outside to his field of vision. His shadow had just made it to the trunk of the huge tree standing a few yards from Sakura's balcony, its dark tendrils curled up the rough bark, circling the huge trunk and spread along the limbs as it climbed. Shikamaru's muscles tensed as he spread his feet further apart, ready to jump out and send the projectiles flying at the slightest movement.

Just as the shadow encompassed the tree nearly halfway, it stalled, hesitating. The shadow user's brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to push it along. He wasn't out of range, not in the least. He no longer had the limitations he had as a chunin now that he was a jounin, so that wasn't it. So, what the hell was going on?

He pushed harder, sweat beating his forehead with the effort to get it to move again. With a start he stopped, realizing that not only could he not go any further, he couldn't retreat either. This was perplexing to say the least. It was almost as if...well as if it was….frozen? His eyes widened at the realization that it was someone interfering with his shadow, and his mind spun at the implications. Not many had the ability to be able to manipulate his shadow like a Nara could, in fact he could only think of a handful of people who could even come close to the chakra that was required in order to freeze it.

Mind made up to flush out the intruder, he pumped chakra into his legs and slid from his hiding spot to the open door. His movements a blur to the untrained eye as he sent the shuriken flying just three feet from where his shadow had been stopped. In a flurry of movement he almost missed, the leaves rustled violently as a dark shadow leapt from the tree and dashed across the rooftops, fading into the darkness from whence it came. Shikamaru, relaxed minutely as his shadow unfroze and moved to the spot the intruder occupied. He could feel the presence was gone and nothing remained, not even the faint traces of chakra and sighed as he put away the kunai and rubbed a hand down his face in frustration.

'Damn! How the hell had they bested my shadow?' No one but a Nara had the knowledge to do that, and he couldn't see one of his relatives messing with him like this. That wasn't in their repertoire. They weren't exactly known to play practical jokes on each other, and the animosity from the intruder pointed more towards hostility then good natured foolishness that his generation was known to engage in. He sighed again as a rustling brought his attention back to the prone figure stirring on the bed and he jerked his shadow back to his body in an instant and all wariness was swept from his features before a pair of emerald eyes locked onto him. He wouldn't give her anything else to worry over, besides he didn't have any idea as to who it was. But he was going to, make no mistake about that.

Shikamaru moved into the room and stood beside her bed watching as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and stretched. Her actions brought a smile to his face.

'She really is quite adorable, almost like a little girl.'

"Whats wrong?" Her voice croaked out, brows scrunching in confusion.

His eyes searched hers for any indication that she had been aware of what happened.

Finding none his lip lifted in a small smirk. "Oh nothing, just a raccoon making noises the tree outside."

He paused, waiting to see if she would call him a liar, but relaxed as she seemed to brush it off.

"Sakura?" He waited till he got her full attention. "How are you doing?"

* * *

Sakura's POV

Her gaze swept along his body as he stood there patiently waiting for her response.

Sakura's gaze moved to the open door, noting the position of the moon and the darkness stretching across the balcony. She guessed she had been asleep for a few hours and tousled her sleep mussed hair only barely still in a ponytail, most had escaped and hung around her face haphazardly. She ran her fingers through the strands, grimacing when she came to various knots and tangles, knowing she was going to require a brush to get them all out. The tugging on the strands snapped something within her mind, freezing her body. She felt the fuzziness of the alcohol nothing more than a distant memory now, and she knew he had a hand in it.

Sakura knew he meant well but what he didn't realize was that she didn't want to be sober. She didn't want to have a clear mind, or a sharp steady gaze. No, she welcomed the thin fog of the alcohol dulling her senses and throwing her off balance.

Through that fog she didn't need to beat back the oppressive weight of her memories, the smell of the cologne that always made bile rise in her throat. The feel of roughened fingers gliding along her skin, the sound of heavy breathing echoing in her ears. She didn't want it... Instead Sakura embraced the darkness that threatened to overtake her with every cup of the burning liquid. Being blissfully unaware, with no care in the world was what that bottle promised. Not the blaring punch to the gut in your face reality was. Every damn day was a struggle to just remain upright, to keep her eyes open when all she wanted was to give into the fatigue. To just keep herself… breathing. To even dare to hope that with the next sunrise the pain would recede and the emptiness would be gone.

Sakura jolted as a bottle of water and some aspirin were held out to her.

'When had he left the room? Geez, Gai and Lee could sneak up on me right now and I would never notice.' She grimaced at the thought of a dynamic entry.

Grabbing the bottle and downing the aspirin, she watched as Shikamaru turned, probably preparing to leave for the rest of the night and her stomach dropped at the thought of being alone again. She reached out and snatched his wrist, his head snapped back to look at her.

"Stay... please," she whispered so low he almost didn't catch it.

He stood there, his gaze going between her grip on him and her eyes and contemplated for a minute, before nodding.

"If that is what you want Sakura, I'll stay as long as you wish."

Her lower lip trembled slightly as a shuddering sigh slipped out between her lips, almost like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. He sat on her side of the bed and tilted her chin up so he could look into her eyes.

"I will be here whenever you need me Sakura," his eyes searching hers, silently telling her to trust in him. Seeing a small smile he smiled back and bumps his forehead against hers lightly.

"Now that that's settled, why don't you go take a shower hmm? You smell like a walking ashtray soaked in booze." He teased, his eyes dancing as he scrunched his nose for emphasis.

She glared, sticking her tongue out at him making him chuckle, before getting up, gathered some clean clothes and stumbled into the bathroom. She sighed and slumped back against the door as she heard him move towards the door.

"I'll go fix you some food Hana, so I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything. Yell and I'll come."

She paused at the familiar nickname and laughed softly. She hadn't heard that name in ages, not since the early years of the academy. He'd heard Ino proclaiming her as 'Forehead', and he'd known how self conscious she was so instead he called her Hana. Probably to get under the blondes skin and irritate her, those two were worse than siblings sometimes, but she figured he took great amusement in teasing her as well. It was really very sweet of him, in a weird way, even if it was spoken in front of a select few, they knew, and she'd bestowed her own on him as well. So for him to bring that up now showed he was trying to subtly be there for her, offering his comfort in a less obvious way.

"Ok, Kage." She paused with a small smile as she heard chuckle as he moved away from the door. She knew by his reaction that he knew she got it and thanked him in her own way.

She stripped out of her smoke drenched clothes, her nose wrinkled at the smells and turned on the water letting it warm up as she brushed her teeth trying to rid herself of the taste of alcohol. Her tired eyes stare back lifelessly in the mirror, the black circles under her eyes stood out like a flag against pale skin making her frown. Sakura's skin was almost always pale but she'd always had a healthy sheen to her making it glow like the very moon shined out of it. But the pale pallor of her skin made her grimace. Her gaze went up to her pink hair that currently resembled a rats nest and sighed, thinking it was more trouble than it was worth.

Over the months she'd let her appearance go, let her hair grow back out until it was past her shoulders, almost as long as it had been when she was a genin. Long hair was always such a pain in the ass to keep up with and she'd contemplated using a kunai again even if she would get a severe tongue lashing from Ino.

She just hadn't cared too much about her outward appearance and the fleeting thoughts that ran through her mind barely registered with a shrug before getting on with her day. Sakura just couldn't be bothered with frivolous things like makeup and making sure her hair was immaculate every second of the day. Her job was high stakes and she hadn't the time nor the patience to do something as shallow as worrying over her looks when someone was barely hanging onto life. So unless it was something like eating to replenish her chakra reserves she didn't worry too much over her own needs.

Stashing her toothbrush away she took her hair out of its holder and ran her fingers through her locks, trying to untangle the rats nest that had resembled a hairdo at some point in the evening. After much grumbling and muttered cursing she'd managed to at least tame it down along her back, enough at least to give it a good washing anyways. Steam had begun to fill the bathroom and she stepped into the shower and sighed contently as the hot water rolled down her tired shoulders. Her tense muscles relaxed as she turned around to wet her hair and reached for her shampoo. One of the few luxuries she still indulged in at this point, the fragrance of cool mint filled the shower stall and made her senses tingle with delight. It was a brand new scent from the same brand she'd used in her genin days, coincidentally the same kind Pakkun used. She snorted, thinking it ironic the little grumpy pug indulged in the same thing she did, her mind going back to when he'd said she smelled like him.

'Smelled like him indeed.' She grumbled, breaking into a small smile as pictures of the grouchy dog flitted through her mind. He'd been rather excited to learn they had that in common and even went as far as to swap tips on which shampoo was the best. Sakura laughed softly.

'I never thought I would have that sort of conversation with anyone much less a pug. Beauty tips with a dog, what's next?' She mused.

Her mind inadvertently switched to the pugs owner and briefly wondered how he was doing. He'd always gone on solo missions here and there, but he always managed to find a few missions for him and her to go on so they could try and stay close. Well as close as he'd let her anyways. The man valued his privacy and let no one in, guarding his life with the tenacity of a dog, pun intended.

He'd been the only one who hadn't left her to fend for herself. At first he had only focused on the boys and passed her over, but unbeknownst to her he'd kept an eye on her. One had left the village for revenge and the other had left to get stronger to bring the first home. Even though Sasuke had abandoned their village and consequently them, she still loved him, just not like everyone thought. He was part of Team 7 and they were the family that she held dear to her heart. She understood Naruto was getting stronger to bring the wayward ninja back for her and for him as well, but the fact remained that he hadn't thought to get stronger together. She had been left behind yet again.

She scoffed to herself thinking she should have been used to it by then since it happened frequently. She always seemed to be trailing behind them. Now that she'd grown up and reflected on her behavior over the years she felt foolish and ashamed. Sakura knew what she felt now wasn't love, no it was more like a crush, puppy love if you will. Now, she just wanted her family back, the one that replaced the one she had lost so suddenly.

Sakura leaned her forehead against the cool tiles, her hands gripped the slippery tiles in frustration, the telltale feeling of tears gathering in her weary eyes and let the hot water beat down her back. Long forgotten memories assaulted her senses, things buried so deep light hadn't touched them in two years. A muffled sob broke through her throat as she struggled to stay lucid and not be swept away into the dark recesses of her memories. But it was to no avail. Sakura no longer had any control as she was overcome with despair and anguish. She was no longer in the nice clean shower, she didn't smell the cool mint of her shampoo or the strawberry of her body wash. No, all she smelled at this moment was ash and a lot of it. It invaded her nose making her cough violently as she struggled to breath through the daunting images assaulting her vision. She no longer felt the hot water hitting her body, instead she felt the cold drizzle of the rain and the sense that she was left alone again.

* * *

(¯`¥´¯`·.¸.:¨NIchiki ¨:.¸.·´¯`¥´¯)


	6. Regrets

Regrets

Chapter 6

Sakura's point of view

* * *

It was about two years ago now. She'd been gone on a month long mission escorting a wealthy client to god knows where. Sakura couldn't remember the details and normally that would be alarming since she had a remarkable memory concerning every little detail, especially since her mednin training required that type of vigilance. She could, however, remember coming home and feeling utterly exhausted, but at the same time relieved that she was home again, and she couldn't wait to see her parents. All the time she was away there was a feeling deep in her gut that something was wrong, something was off… something… bad. But she'd written it off as silly nonsense and threw herself into her mission so she could get home faster. But the longer she was away the harder it was to pay close attention to everything around her, which could be incredibly dangerous to someone in her profession. One misstep is all it took to make the difference between a mission done or having her name inscribed in stone. She preferred the former.

So the moment she stepped foot inside the village again she made a beeline for her parents home, not even bothering to stop by her apartment first. Maybe if she hadn't been in such a hurry she would've seen the sorrow on Izumo and Kotetsu's faces at the gate. She would've heard them trying desperately to tell her something as she rushed past… and maybe just maybe she would've been prepared.

But there was no such thing. Nothing could've prepared her for the sight she was met with.

By the surrounding areas she could see it had been an attack of some kind and it had been concentrated on her old neighborhood… mainly her parents house. The site seemed to be the epicenter of the chaos as it wasn't even a shell of a house anymore. Rubble, smoking, smoldering bits and pieces of her childhood scattered here and there. She couldn't do anything; couldn't breath, think, feel. Charred beams lay haphazardly against each other like grotesque pick up sticks. The carnage filled her gaze wherever she looked and had to swallow back the bile rising in her throat. The fire must have been strong; there was hardly anything left. Her mind kept supplying the images of what used to be her childhood home and she couldn't seem to wrap her mind around what she was seeing was supposed to be the same thing. Everything was gone, her first steps, where she had learned to ride her first bike, her first words, learned to bake with her mother, family dinners... nothing remained.

Sakura could feel the icy fingers creeping down her spine, her knees going weak no longer able to hold her weight. She slid to the ground landing hard on her knees, slumping forward to her hands as she dug her nails into the soil in desperation to feel something. To feel anything but this void of nothingness that was overwhelming her, threatening to suck her in and never let go. She could vaguely make out the voices of people around her saying something, possibly to her, maybe to each other about the spectacle she was making, but right now she could care less. She knew… she knew no one could have survived this.

A cold pit settled in her stomach; she was alone again, left behind to fend for herself. She pushed herself up to stare up at the sky, the rain pattering softly against her skin mixing with the tears running down her tired features. She no longer cared she was still dirty from her mission, or that her clothes were soaked clean through, or that she was most likely getting splinters in her knees from the wreckage. Sakura just couldn't bring herself to care anymore... The immense pressure surrounded her as the darkness pressed in on her and she couldn't take it anymore. Throwing her head back she let out a wail of grief and sorrow chilling those who heard it to the bone. Sakura put everything into that cry; all her pain and suffering. Her anguish of never seeing her family again, her regret of not being there when they needed her the most. Her shame of not reconciling with her mother before she left this world would forever haunt her. She couldn't go back this time, she would never see her mother smile again, nor hear her father lecture about his merchant business, or call her his Little Cherry Blossom.

She had been a daddy's girl through and through. Being the only child it was assumed she would take over the family business, but when she expressed interest in being a shinobi both her parents were astounded. Over time her father warmed to the idea and actually started supporting her decision, even telling her she would be a half owner to his merchant business. The other half would go to a cousin who would run it, but her mom was always against the idea of her running around "playing ninja" as she would say. Sakura knew her mom had always wanted her to be more girly and for a while she was while chasing after Sasuke as a genin. But over time that changed and she grew more independent, stronger and more free willed which thrilled her father to see she was growing up. But a rift had begun between her and her mother and they hadn't ever tried to patch things up between them, and now they never could.

Her wail tapered off to a pitiful sob, but the tears just kept coming, not showing any sign of stopping in the least. But she welcomed it… if at least to feel something other than the darkness around her, the silence of being left behind. A soft pressure to her shoulder alerted her to someone standing beside her. Thinking it was just a neighbor she was about to snap at them to leave her the hell alone when her emerald eyes landed on sky blue ones. Her eyes widened seeing the blonde she considered her closest friend Ino, standing next to her was Shikamaru and the ever present Choji. They were looking at her not in pity, but in understanding and sorrow. They knew how it felt to lose someone closest to them. They sympathized with her pain, but she couldn't stand to see it reflecting in their eyes, a mirror of her own eyes. So she turned away, closing her eyes, blocking out what she could not face any longer, but as she felt three hands descending on her shoulders she snapped them back open. All three han fallen to their knees around her and each had a hand on her.

To her right was Choji , to her left Shikamaru and to the back was Ino; all kneeling with her in the wreckage. Neither caring how they looked at all; all they knew was that a comrade needed them at that moment so they did what was necessary to be there for her at her darkest hour. Her eyes widened in shock as she felt Ino break down and throw her arms around Sakura, holding her tightly as the blonde's shoulders shook with every heart wrenching sob. She could feel the warmth from her body press against her back and the wetness of her tears against the back of her neck.

Sakura had cried so long and so hard that she had nothing left, but two tears managed to squeeze past and flowed down her cheeks at the touches of her friends, their selflessness, their honor of what she had lost. She felt a strong hand land on her shoulder and the trembling in that appendage said volumes to her as she noticed Choji crying silently. He was one of the strongest shinobi of their generation and it said a lot that he was showing emotions for her at that moment. Strong fingers laced through her left hand drawing her gaze to the raven haired young man beside her.

He wasn't touching her a lot, not like the other two, but what he did touch he put everything into. His unwavering gaze was staring not at the wreckage around them, nor at her, but at the horizon as the sun rose over the hills in the distance. His gaze flicked to hers for just an instant then back to the horizon, almost like he wanted her to see the dawn of a new day. To know that no matter what she would never be alone and the sun would always rise the next day. His hand squeezed hers gently, telling her without words that he would be there for her, to be her rock should she ever need one.

* * *

A light tapping on the bathroom door jolted her out of her memory. "Hana? You've been in there for an hour now so I'm sure you're clean enough. Come on out and eat so we can get you back to bed."

Had she really been in here for an hour? 'Geez, feels like I just got in here.'

"Alright, be out in a sec." She croaked out, wiping the tears from her face. But as she turned off the now freezing water and toweled off she knew he spoke the truth, he never lied to her. Never sugar coated anything; always told her what she needed to hear instead of babying her. No, babying her was Ino's job and Choji's as well. A slight smile broke over her features remembering that the big brawny Choji had picked her up into his arms and carried her to her apartment with Ino leading the way and Shikamaru bringing up the rear. No one said a thing; they didn't have to. Sakura remembered little of what happened after that except being laid on her bed and the boys being shooed out of the room as Ino bustled around her. The blonde busy-body flitting to and fro getting a towel and stripping Sakura of her wet clothes and drying her off. As Ino dressed her into her night clothes and tucked her in she whispered a small thank you to her, startling the blonde for a moment.

"I don't need your thanks Forehead," she replied softly, bending over and kissing said feature. But as she pulled back she locked her eyes on Sakura's again briefly. "We'll be strong when you cannot," she whispered.

"We'll be your rock when you need something to lean on," Choji joined in from the doorway as the two men filed back in and stopped near her bed, drawing the pinkettes gaze.

"And most importantly," Shikamaru stated. "We'll be your family," he replied threading his fingers through hers again. "So you'll never need to be alone again."

Dressed in one of Shikamaru's old shirts and a pair of Naruto's old boxers she exited the steamy bathroom intent on calming the rumbling in her belly and then collapsing back into a dreamless sleep. But even she knew she couldn't escape the nightmares for long. Nothing seemed to help; nothing that is unless she was safely tucked into the Shadow Users calming embrace. Only he seemed to keep the darkness at bay, which was ironic since he wielded the darkness as his weapon and armor.

* * *

AN:Super sorry it took me so long to update, but I've been really busy with other stuff. The holidays are always so nuts.

As always a thanks to my beta Kunoichi-Shea, for making sure my stuff makes sense, and a special thanks to my imouto Chained Princess.

She helps me more then even she thinks.

So this chapter is dedicated to you.

One of my secret little muses.

(¯`¥´¯`·.¸.:¨NIchiki ¨:.¸.·´¯`¥´¯) 


	7. Denial

Chapter 7

Denial

* * *

Shika's POV

He made his way to the kitchen area, his body going through the motions of getting food prepared, but his mind was still on the young woman in the bathroom and the current situation he found himself in. While Shikamaru didn't have the heightened smell or hearing of Kiba he did know how to use what he had, and his high intelligence came in handy when a puzzle was presented to him. And what a puzzle he had on his hands at the moment. Whatever had been outside Sakura's apartment had not been a mere animal, no. This was a fellow shinobi, and the skills they had to utilize to keep themselves hidden narrowed the list down to who it had to be. He knew Sakura was an exceptional medic by far and she had her share of people coming in at all hours of the day and night to be healed. Mostly on account of the older generation being allergic to the hospital and that had influenced the younger ones to follow in the same footsteps. So in order to keep up with the flow Lady Tsunade had given Sakura permission and hospital supplies for her to have her own clinic room. And being one of Konoha's top strategists Shikamaru was privy to strictly need to know information, including knowing all the shinobi currently employed within Konoha, brought him first hand knowledge of the Elite and just who preferred the hospital and who had an aversion to it.

Sakura was such an exceptional medic that she had the clearance to treat even ANBU operatives. It was no surprise just how high Lady Tsunade held Sakura's abilities considering it was she who taught her. Over the years she had grown close to the pinkette and now considered her an adoptive daughter, second to only Shizune, her first apprentice. So it wouldn't have surprised him if he sensed a fellow shinobi outside her apartment who could have possibly been waiting before she was alone to seek her help. No, what did surprise him was the animosity he felt directed at him. Oh he knew Sakura was everyone's sweetheart, constantly helping those who needed it, so there was no way that was aimed at her. Question now was, what on earth had he done to piss them off and why did they continue to linger when they weren't seeking medical attention.

So many questions and no answers in sight. He sighed stirring the broth as his mind continually went over every possibility. Perhaps it had only been a one time thing, a mere coincidence. He snorted, yeah and as Ino would say, perhaps Tonton would spontaneously sprout wings and fly around Tsunade's head. He knew this would bug him until he could figure it out, but until then he wouldn't mention it to Sakura, she didn't need anymore stress at the moment. Another piece to a seemingly bigger puzzle that continued to elude him. But for now Sakura is the main concern.

Her behavior at most was erratic, especially when left alone and he wondered just how long it would take for her emotions to overflow into her work at the hospital. He had no clue just how she managed to hold herself together for so long without any kind of help but he could tell the burden was weighing heavily upon her slender shoulders. Shika did wonder when she'd gotten so good at hiding her inner turmoil since she was always a horrible liar, even when he'd known her when they both attended the academy. He supposed she developed the skills out of necessity over the years and now it had become like second nature to fall back under that guise instead of facing the truth. He knew sooner or later she would break down and hopefully he could be there to help put her back together again. He shook his head sadly thinking back to when she was just about to tell him something big, when she'd passed out from exhaustion.

_'I guess she'll tell me when she's ready. Speaking of which, I think she's been in there long enough. I don't want her to be alone for too long lost in her thoughts. That never seems to end well.'_ He moved to the bathroom door and listened for a second, noticing it was way too quiet in there he knocked and called out.

"Hana? You've been in there for an hour now so I'm sure you're clean enough. Come on out and eat so we can get you back to bed." He waited a minute before he heard a muffled, "Alright, be out in a sec," Come through the door. He was determined to be there for her untill she could find the strength to stand on her own, and yet he knew he would have a hard time letting her stand on her own without him there.

* * *

Kakashi's POV

He was by no means a dense man. Kakashi could tell she was furious just by looking at her. If it wasn't the tick in her eyebrow that gave it away or the pursed lips, it certainly could've been the way she was grasping onto that heavy paperweight like she was trying to squeeze the juice from a lemon that was a dead giveaway. It was a pretty good bet that she hadn't had a very good day by the numerous holes in the wall behind him, or the extreme fish eye she was fixing upon his person. Also given the time, she usually would've been half in the bag already, but he guessed Shizune had confiscated all her sake yet again, hence the short temper pointed at him.

He probably could've prevented irritating her further if he would've used the door like a normal person instead of walking up the side the tower and climbing in the window. But, one he wasn't normal and two he just wouldn't feel right if he didn't drive her up the wall and have to dodge projectiles like his life depended on it, and most times it did. It also didn't help matters that his brain had been millions of miles away as he walked on autopilot not really paying much attention to where he was going, only to find himself at the base of the Hokage tower. He blinked and shrugged figuring now was as good a time as any to report to the Hokage. It wasn't his fault that it was past two in the morning, he hadn't exactly been paying attention to the time. It had been only by the natural instinct of preserving his own life that he'd ducked that first missile, a stapler if he recalled correctly, as it embedded itself into the drywall, narrowly missing taking out his good eye. After a good 10 minutes of tongue lashing, to which he'd stood there emotionless managing to let it go in one ear and out the other she finally let him give her the rundown of his mission. But by then he was too deep into the conversation within his own mind to really care what drivel passed his lips.

He honestly couldn't understand it, or perhaps somewhere deep down he didn't want to. The unsettling tight feeling in his chest from seeing Shikamaru laying alongside Sakura on her bed. At the time it had screamed intimate, among other things. He knew something had been wrong with her before he'd left and she'd obviously gotten worse over the time he'd been gone. So, his natural curiosity had led him to find out what and maybe the nagging voice in his head that reminded him of just how he'd let her down as a genin had a bit to do with it. But what he couldn't explain was the deep feeling of anger that had seized his chest and made it damn near hard to breath when he'd witnessed what he had through Sakura's balcony doors. The feeling was wholly different from the rush of adrenaline and anger from the midst of battle and he honestly couldn't remember ever feeling this before. That tightness that refused to lesson as he'd almost jumped over there and made a complete ass of himself. Kakashi had never been one to fly off the handle, but what he'd witnessed set his blood boiling and his heart thundering in his ears.

Subtly he shifted from one foot to the other as he reevaluated and tried to categorize the shifting emotions swirling around inside his head. He could try and pass off the feeling as being a fluke, nothing more than a one time thing. He was a master at not only hiding from others but also bottling up any and all emotions, shoving them into the deepest, darkest hole he could find. But somehow he knew that burying this would only come back later to bite him on the ass with a vengeance. The thought of just forgetting it, leaving well enough alone was tempting and yet he just couldn't let it go. Not without finding out once and for all just what the hell was going on.

Throughout his life Kakashi hadn't been one to develop any kind of relationships past the comrades he found in his fellow shinobi, or even the casual acquaintances of higher ups. Besides the occasional one night stand to relieve tensions or his ever present dirty novels, he hadn't had the inclination nor time to even consider such frivolities.

The thought of just what these foreign feelings might mean to him was something that terrified the usually unshakable shinobi to his core. He wasn't immune to feeling the occasional attraction to the opposite sex and he knew what lust was and yet he could tell this went beyond those shallow concepts. But even thinking of venturing there, into that unknown territory made his stomach bottom out and a cold sweat plaster his back. He never once considered finding someone to have as a companion for whatever little days he had left in his dangerous profession. But the feeling of protectiveness that exploded within his chest was like prodding a long dead horse. Initially thought to never be resurrected, but stranger things have happened.

So lost in his thoughts he blinked and found himself in front of his apartment door without even realizing he'd left the tower and made his way across the village. That kind of inattention was dangerous to someone like him and if he'd been on a mission it would've spelled a messy end to his existence. Silently he shook his head and dispelled the jutsu before opening the worn out door, cringing as the hinges protested loudly and added an oiling to his mental list of things had to do now that he was home. He slipped off his sandals and unzipped his flak vest, draping it over the back of his ratty couch as he made a beeline towards his room.

Slipping off his hitai-ate he rubbed his eyes tiredly, before glancing at the only plant on his windowsill. A cactus dubbed Mr. Ukki had definitely looked better as it stood staring out the window looking like it was barely holding onto the last dredges of its life. He honestly couldn't remember where he'd gotten the thing as he had no more of a green thumb then Tsunade had the inclination to stop drinking and gambling. But the thing had more lives than an alleyway cat. No amount of neglect on his part had killed the sturdy thing off and he doubted anything less than the apartment exploding around it would dent the thing. But he'd grown a subtle respect for the stubbornness of the plant as it refused to give up over the years. Even after half a year of not watering it, its needles falling off at an alarming rate, it still hung on and refused to throw in the towel. In some ways he could relate to the plant. Prickly to outsiders, stubborn to a fault and utterly refusing to die without a fight. A deep yawn escaped his lips as he shuffled into the bathroom and poured a glass of water, making his way tiredly back to the clearly parched plant and giving it a much needed drink.

Stripping off his pants and undershirt Kakashi didn't even bother to crawl under his shuriken print comforter, opting instead to flop down like a fish on land. He buried his head into his pillow and let out a deep sigh, content enough to succumb to the overwhelming blackness overtaking his senses. But with the blackness came the shadows therein and he knew no matter what, nothing could keep them at bay for long. So he embraced it and didn't fight the long dead ghosts of his past rushing up through the inky darkness to meet him. Perhaps one day he could sleep peacefully, he just knew it probably wouldn't be in this lifetime.

* * *

(¯`¥´¯`·.¸.:¨NIchiki ¨:.¸.·´¯`¥´¯)


End file.
